In honor of the Olympics…

At the end of my time in Poland I received this gold medal from the church congregation. This is “limited edition” with only six in existence. I felt very honored! On the front is the church’s name and logo. As you can see from the picture, I am very excited about this medal.

This is the back:

This makes me happy on so many levels. First of all, Polish-English is my favorite. I love hearing the blend of these languages when a native Polish speaker is speaking. Even though their English is often incorrect, I learned more about Polish grammar through these conversations because they often would use English vocabulary with Polish sentence structure. “Heart devoted heart.” This reflects Polish grammar.

Second of all, let’s look at the scripture reference one more time. First Pillipans. If we assume “Phillipans” is supposed to be “Philippians”, okay. But First Philippians? What?? Then comes the 1,3:6 which I can only assume means 1:3-6. I asked Mariola about this medal and she said, “We told the factory the right way. But they must not be Christians.” I guess that explanation is as good as the next!

Mariola is my “szefowa” aka boss here in Poland. She is one of the funniest women I have ever met in my life. She isn’t funny by telling jokes or funny stories, she just…radiates hilarity. I love being with her. You never ever know what is going to come out her her mouth.

While we were on a tour of a beautiful cave full of stalactites and such, she was our translator. She speaks enough English to have conversations, but specific scientific terms were a little more difficult for her. It was HILARIOUS! It was like watching one of those dubbed Japanese films where the person’s mouth moves for a long time, and the translation is like 2 words. But this was happening in real life!

The guide would talk for 2 minutes, Mariola would say, “In the cave will be very danger.”

Guide: 2 minutes; Mariola: “It will be very wet.”

Guide: 2 minutes; Mariola: “And it will be very wet, et cetera.”

Guide: 2 minutes; Mariola: “There are many stalactitties in this cave. They look like somethings. Et cetera.”

Guide: 2 minutes; Mariola: “This stalactitty looks like Adam and Steve from Bible.”

Guide: 2 minutes; Mariola: “Thises [plural of this] stalactitties looks like spaghetti and macaroni and et cetera and pizza.”

Guide: 2 minutes, including a word that sounded like “erotica”; Mariola: (eyes get huge) “I cannot translate thises.”

This went on for about 30 minutes. My sides hurt from trying to suppress the laughter every time she said “stalactitty” and “et cetera”. Finally some other Polish man couldn’t stand it any longer, admitted he spoke English, and became our new translator. I wish he hadn’t! Soon the tour became educational and boring.

Some other quotes from Mariola include:

“Where is my scotch??? Where is my scotch???” (referring to scotch tape, hahaha)

“Rachel, you are like my older daughter. So I will find for you husband in Poland.”

“I had small accident with car and gate. It was for me surprise when I heard srkrrrskkkks.”

“You can heat thises in the micro-owen.”

(sees a picture of her family) “Oh, we are very holy family.”

(after I teased her about having reading glasses) “Rachel, this is your future!”

“Polish creeps are very good!” (meaning crepes…)

“Rachel, this is good, this is new experience!” (before any mundane task)

(while sitting in traffic) “Life is brutal.”

“Please I need this paper sheeeeeeeeeeet.” (She takes great care not to mispronounce this word and accidently say something inappropriate. Maybe we should tell her about the stalactitties…)

But my favorite story about Mariola is this:

She had some American guests over for dinner and served them a very traditional Polish dish. She told them that they had to eat it before she would tell them what it was. After dinner, they asked, and she said, “This is my dog.” They were shocked and appalled! She then laughed and said, “No, no I am just kidding.” They were relieved. Then, “It is my neighbor’s dog.”

Of course, she was just kidding. It was bigos, my favorite Polish dish!

I wish everyone could meet Mariola! Everyone needs a little Mariola in their life. My life would be incomplete without her.