Cage match: Fake 2012 v. Real 2012. Who’s going to win?

Anticipating stuff and planning for stuff is my favorite season of life. Because when you are anticipating, it’s all in the future. It’s all still perfect. I haven’t had a chance to mess it up yet. I have nothing to feel guilty about yet. I am nothing if not eternally hopeful. I go into most things knowing that it has the potential to be AWESOME, even when history has taught me time and time again that nothing is perfect. Still – in my mind, whatever I am anticipating is always going to be perfect.

Basically, I am awesome at setting myself up for disappointment. This is why I say that anticipation is always better than the real thing.

The new year always brings lots of great anticipation. I love this season, looking forward to a whole new clean slate of a year! But I want to be a little more cautious about the whole setting myself up for failure thing…

So I have decided to think of the new year that I am anticipating as “Fake 2012″.

For example: In Fake 2012, I can make resolutions like, “Call my parents once a week” and then I will actually call them once a week! In Fake 2012 I will also become this awesome chef lady who never spends money out at restaurants because the joy of cooking delicious food of my own trumps the convenience and deliciousness of restaurants. Also? In Fake 2012, I never have to turn down invitations from my friends to eat out at restaurants because…well, apparently in Fake 2012, all complications just resolve themselves.

Fake 2012 will be awesome because it will be perfect. I’ll never be late for carpool. I’ll have perfect spending habits. I’ll only eat healthy food. My pores will magically shrink, my eyes will stop twitching, I’ll be a salsa dancing pro, my cat will learn to use the toilet so I’ll never have to clean out that [damn] litter box, my Polish will suddenly become flawless, my eyebrows will tweeze* themselves,  and the Ags will win the college World Series. Isn’t Fake 2012 going to be hypothetically awesome?! (*In Fake 2012, tweeze is a real word.)

Real 2012 will be awesome because, although it won’t be perfect, it will be exactly as it should be. I’m going to fail, I’m going to have issues, and I’m going to try to have some grace for myself. I’m going to try to avoid all the unnecessary guilt that I pile upon myself when things aren’t going as seamlessly as they would be going in Fake 2012.

With all of that said, here are my resolutions for the new year:

1. Read more at the local library and less at the local coffee shop. Why? Because it’s WAY closer to home, and it’s free. I got so much delicious loose leaf tea (Harney & Sons!) for Christmas, I can brew it at home and bring it with me. Better quality tea, for free. Also? This shouldn’t be too difficult to accomplish because “more” and “less” are relative terms. I only went to the library twice in 2011. Three times, and I’m golden. (Maybe someday I will be able to read at home, but I’m trying to not set myself up for failure, remember?)

2. Knit a blanket. I’ve never tackled such a big project, but now that I can follow a pattern pretty easily, I’d like to try.

3. Start saving for a new car. My car has been incredibly reliable for 10 years now. I think I’ve only had 2 or 3 small hiccups in all that time. But my friends with similar make/model/age cars are all starting to have some troubles. So now I live in constant fear that my car is going to start falling apart at any moment. If you know me at all, you know that nothing freaks me out like car-related decision-making. Maintenance. Inspections. Talking to car repairmen. Getting my tires rotated. Following driving directions. Driving in traffic. Picking a gas station. Car washes. I suck at all these things. This is why God gave me Merritt. So when the day comes that I need a new car, it will probably help decrease my stress-level significantly if I already have…ya know…money to pay for it.

4. Stop texting while driving. I know. I know. I know! Please don’t lecture me. I hate driving so I try to distract myself from the misery by multitasking in the car. I may or may not have read blogs while driving, knit while driving, or painted my nails in heavy traffic. (I haven’t actually done these things.) ((Yes I have.)) I know that this is unsafe, and I want to change. Also, soon it will be illegal and I don’t like being illegal, so I need to break the habit before I break the law.

5. Give myself grace about not accomplishing these resolutions. Hey, Fake 2012, you suck because you make me feel guilty and disappointed. I hate you. Here’s to Real 2012 and all it’s imperfections!

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